A Husband’s Story

I’ve never written anything like this, nor have I been on a journey like this before.

So where do I start?

I’ve known for many years that my wife has a problem with alcohol, but it’s only in the last 12-18 months that I’ve realised the extent of the issue.

I’ve gone from love to hatred of my wife and everything in between during that time.  There have been lots of lies deception and false promises.  Whilst she’s sought help, it’s been purely because I begged her to,  and not because she’s admitted the problem.

But what about me?  What about our kids?  Where’s the help for them?

There’s very little information on the internet, helplines, NHS or mainstream agencies.  The focus is always on the alcoholic; nothing for the ‘victims’, those that truly suffer the fallout of alcohol misuse.

I’m well educated, switched-on, modern kind of guy…but I simply didn’t have the tools, knowledge or mental strength to deal with an alcoholic, abusive wife.  On the recommendation of a friend, I approached Sarah at Harrogate Sanctuary.  Whilst my journey has resulted in divorce, I recognise that everyone’s outcome will be different.  For me, there was no going back.

As a ‘victim’ of an alcoholic, I’ve been through pretty much every emotion imaginable.  It’s tiring, draining, you have anger, self-doubt, fear and uncertainty.

You question:

  • Is it my fault?
  • Have I allowed this to happen?
  • What do I do when my wife falls off the wagon?
  • Why do I feel like this?
  • When did it all start?
  • Why did it all start?

I spent an incredibly rewarding, informative and educational 6-weeks with Sarah, who has helped me understand these emotions and questions.  Some very difficult decisions have been made during our time,  but speaking to Sarah has allowed me clarity of thought and understanding.

Being colloquial, I wouldn’t wish what I’ve been through on my worst enemy.  There is no shame in asking for help, and Harrogate Sanctuary has been absolutely brilliant.

Author: Sarah Turner

Founder of the Harrogate Sanctuary.