Month: March 2020

 

We are now following other countries across the globe, most especially Europe into the lock down phase with Coronavirus. As of now, 15,433 have died from the outbreak, with over 358.000  recorded positive results worldwide. The news, social media, and newspapers are running with this 24/7. It has taken approximately four months to be recognised as a pandemic. It is now regarded as the most dangerously infectious disease on the planet, and is resulting in not only the tragic deaths, but a surge in mental health problems, anxiety and loneliness. There are people who disregarded all the information to stay in isolation this weekend, causing an uproar because of what was seen as irresponsible behaviour, selfish and thoughtless. Pubs, restaurants and bars are closed, but of course prior to the final curtain, the last night of being able to go to your local saw them packed. There is no shortage of booze as far as I can see in shops and supermarkets, no need for stockpiling the shelves will never run dry, there is far too much for Big Alcohol to lose, given the potential boom that will happen with such loneliness and stress building.

The point that I am trying to make with this blog is that Alcohol directly kills £3M people a year worldwide. It is also a causal factor in over 200 disease and injury conditions. So only based on direct deaths, that represents £750000 in four months. If this information was streamed daily, and experts and politicians told us that this was a pandemic and to stop immediately would we? Would it change the lifestyles of so many to the point of them calling time asap?

I can hear the cry, that alcohol dependence is a choice COVID-19 is not. But the crowds that poured onto beaches and into the countryside at the weekend had a choice, and decided to ignore the advice and guidelines, and risked not only their lives but that of others. Alcohol misuse and following rules has to come down to Willingness, information and a big dollop of compassion.

Coronavirus is loud, scary and is not only affecting the elderly. Alcohol is worse, it most definitely can kill and maim at any age. There is stigma, judgement and unkindness thrown at so many who suffer from drinking too much. A cure has been sought for centuries, halfheartedly imo, with no success. If however, the same amount of time and money, appropriate care had have been put in place eons ago for this potentially life threatening substance we may not being seeing the silent pandemic that will go on far longer than any virus ever will. Loneliness is one of the major triggers that leads to a dependence that none of us who have experienced it would want to wish on anyone. 

Please don’t feel ashamed to admit you need help and now, it is one of the most courageous steps you will ever take.

 

 

Drinking in social situations can be fine once you have the control back, and potentially achievable given the right attitude along with the stage you are at with drinking, as I have always said one size does not fit all. I have never wanted to stop anyone having fun, but using wine mainly, as some sort of reward on a daily basis rarely is that.  At home and often alone, it is a form of self-medication, and the longer it goes on the more justification and excuses are found to carry on. It is not a weakness on your part more of a con trick by Big Alcohol and a habit.

There are many women and couples out there that do enjoy social drinking, and these individual appointments online are  for their benefit, giving them the ability to stick to drinking moderately for pleasure and not pain. I have had many years of experience giving therapy for alcohol dependence, and will continue to do so, but also have seen clients who were not hooked on alcohol but had found themselves falling into a routine of using wine primarily because the first drink does give a buzz, seems like a relaxant after busy days and realising that after three or four, it had become the opposite of that. They tend to drink far more behind closed doors than they ever would out with friends or at events, and I have formulated a tool box to make this possible for those of you who are concerned that your drinking starting to be a problem. My Six Week Programme does advocate an Alcohol Free lifestyle, but I know there is a gap for those of you who would prefer to socialise with a couple of glasses of wine. Given the current situation with the Coronavirus staying at home, self isolating may mean that you are not currently going out as much as usual, but there is no reason to operate control within the home, and set goals of how use alcohol. It is important to have accountability, and to be able to have encouragement and a plan rather than trying to go it alone. It can be possible given the right support for those of you who are not in a vice like grip with alcohol. It starts and ends with your decision making and as ever with my work this is client led, you decide, and enable the type of lifestyle you want.

For me, I know that I cannot moderate, but even so, I do believe that if there is a chance of people cutting down the amount they drink it is a step in the right direction, and may well lead to those who have therapy to control their drinking, that some may decide to stop altogether. The aim of this is not to judge, but to help with having a much healthier approach to what could become a very disruptive, the ripple effect of on families, work and friends making for a very frightening future.

This is quite retro, back in my parents days, I am of the baby boomer generation, there was never every day at home drinking, wine was only drunk at parties or over special occasional dinners, with much excitement by the hosts about the type of wine it was and taste.

There is no need to attend group meetings, or even leave your home. I do intend to give an opportunity to like-minded women and couples share their stories with each other if they wish, via technology. We are all tribal and this would be almost like a match making exercise.

I have no intention of having a random chatroom or website, there is a great deal of trolling and unkindness often within these places. My work has always been extremely private, and I understand that blanket coverage of this issue rarely is successful, we are all so unique.

You can choose how many sessions with me you prefer, and when. The first consultation is always free, and gives me the opportunity to ascertain whether this approach would be suitable for you and yours.

If you would like to learn more please, email, sarah@harrogatesanctuary.com or on mobile 07528273009 office number 01423-779030.

Sarah

 

 

For many women over fifty, loneliness can play a very big part in drinking becoming a habit, developing into a dependence.

Perhaps they are homemakers, mothers, or divorcees along with those who are widowed. Their children have left home, even if they are still married, it maybe that after years of putting their all into the children, there has not been the opportunity to take up hobbies that maybe husbands do. So many husbands in this age bracket, the baby boomer generation certainly did fun stuff with their children but left the day to day necessary jobs to the Mother. Sorry to sound sexist, just the way it is.  I often hear from clients that marriage later on in life seems very separate, they don’t talk anymore. 

What once had been a social activity starts to be more useful as a numbing out tool. Doubts about the future, over thinking what now, rears it’s ugly head. There is no doubt that alcohol most certainly will be a very temporary escape, but for them it works, makes them feel less alone. The time spend with a bottle or two of Pinot,  stops the what if thinking. Isolation sets in, not wanting to be found out, secrecy is rampant, and lies trip off the tongue. 

Much of the need does stem from loneliness, they don’t want to cut themselves off, it creeps up gradually until having any light conversations or positive thoughts fly out of the window. Because there is nothing exciting or new going on, simply they have nothing to talk about. As this subject is so stigmatised, not even being able to share the problem is on the agenda.

Ageing, not having support, feeling worthless their unconditional ‘friend’ in a bottle blurs out the emptiness and although the intention is not to be a burden, has the ripple effect of worrying all who love them. There is such a lack of self esteem at this stage, and exhaustion, that the thought of having to stop and make enormous effort to start to mix again with wine seems impossible. These women, clients I see, do not want to go into group meetings they need intense talking therapy, someone they trust and therefore are accountable to, and not imagine for one second that their lives are over. Good advice and always meant well by family especially is ignored, this does need third party invention with no judgement only empathy.

Loneliness I believe is another silent epidemic that is creating both mental and physical issues for thousands of women.