“What did I learn from Harrogate Sanctuary?”
1. The insanity of 2hrs of self-abuse, the utterly pointless pre and post hours, the poisoning effects…
2. Understanding learned behaviour, image manipulation of booze, the illusion.
3. Making sense of the way I thought in a scientific creative way, which can lead me to overthinking, over complicating, too clever for my own good the Irish would say. I really got the KISS approach to life once I had stopped bring annoyed and irritated by its simplicity.
4 No underlying psychopathy, normal kid, normal complicated family who will never accept each other for who they are, but love deeply anyway. I am balanced and well rounded, mentally spiritually and physically (laughing).
5 The impulse button is disabled with firmly imbedded truths of consequences focusing on the despair that certainly would follow. “That look” on xxxxx face, anyone’s face…. makes me shudder.
6. I can’t predict the future and don’t need to. I have stopped reading horoscopes sadly realising they are bollocks.
7. Being grown up does not mean old, there is a long middle first.
8. I should spend more time writing than thinking.
9. I may have deleted a few memory banks but the motherboard is undergoing a massive self-repair. The brain scans were such a relief and repainted exciting possibilities. I can feel the trickle of new neural pathways. I know the old ones aren’t going away but withering. That’s ok.
10 I was in the grip of a life threatening chronically progressive habit that I had become allergic to, recognising that I was no longer young enough to tolerate it. I was older not old, it was age related. It was something I was concerned about but having dealt with it, it wasn’t as bad as those 3 months of dry rot.
I am enormously grateful for your help and guidance, Sarah, that safe light house in choppy waters, guiding honestly, kindly. It was a feeling of being led down a forgotten but familiar road, with an occasional firmly gripped hand, some dallying allowed as the horizon changed. Often a break with tea and a few belly laughs. I didn’t have to be in charge, someone else could be the eldest for a change. An astral sibling, an angel with her wings tucked in, a celestial wise teacher who allowed me to see the journey from her shoulders, looking ahead not down at my scuffed shoes. You are a major part of my golden thread of life changers. Thank you is simply inadequate but heartfelt.
I met you imprisoned but at a crossroad not able to take the road less taken and find myself now in a sunny meadow. My hand is now held firmly and lovingly by my lionhearted Sarah, another unexpected twist and corner turned.
Thanks, are just not enough.